BANG OUT THE PROSE: The Way I Roll

BANG OUT THE PROSE: The Way I Roll

My Best book to Date

Creating Evil Characters

The key to creating an effective evil character involves a two prone perspective. The character must be believable, and, the reader must empathize with the evil character - at some point in the book. There are a few thriller writers who can effectively skirt around the latter notion of making an evil character likeable. However, these great writers tend to present drama, tragedy and suspense in the opening chapter revealing very little characterization of the bad guy.

The Doctor's Vice has a complex plot, so I found it necessary to develop a character the reader could follow and understand.

The process of creating an evil character starts with good research. I had to know what makes a person pathological. And then I researched the actions and symptons of the character's pathology. Next, research professional profiles of particular pathological behavior to create suspense when your character is acting out the behavior.


For example, my upcoming novel, The Doctor's Vice, draws upon research of a child's traumatic experiences at an early age. In this case, a young boy has a terrible experience that lingers with him, gnawing upon his psyche. His undirected anger grows and he begins to interpet the world of adults based on his own inner fears and self-hatred. The reader will understand that the character does not trust....anyone.

I hope the reader has sympathy for the boy and follow him through the opening chapter.

To pull it off, I had to make the reader see, feel and hate the child molester. I had to present the child as helpless, fearful and unable to understand his trauma. I had to make sure circumstances surrounding his childhood made him feel no one would believe him if he were to expose his molester.

To make the boy's fear believable to the reader, I, hopefully, created insight into his mother's greed (which the molester exploited). Greed made her vulnerable to the molester's advances toward her son. Her greed added salt to the boy's injury. Can you imagine what evil is created in the boy's soul?

One thing I've learned from great writers is to avoid the propensity to front load the story with back story information. In other words, show the action upfront and explain later.

When the boy grows up, he becomes an insatiable killer.

Enough of my rambling, let's get to the point.

Here is an excerpt from the Doctor's Vice. Hopefuly, I have created sympathy for the boy, Smitty, which will make his evil acts believable later on in the story.

{The boys are in the basement of the molester's home}

Mr. Boomer sat on the sofa next to the other boys and crossed one leg over the other so that one side of his hips was raised higher. He flipped off both sandals and dangled his legs like a woman.

"Okay, let's show you how to wrestle," said Mr. Boomer. He then fell to his knees. "Whose first?"

Mr. Boomer looked around the room. The boys looked at each other. All of them had heard the rumors. The man was said to be...funny. He touched boys in private places; however, none of the boys lost interest in wrestling.

Smitty spoke up. "Let's go swimming." He was immediately aware that he should have remained silent.

"You. Smitty." Mr Boomer said pointing toward him. He then pointed at the floor and patted the carpet with an open palm. He beckoned the young, intimidated boy. "Come on Smitty, let's show 'em. The man spanked the floor, again. "Let's do 'er."

"Don't wanna," Smitty responded.

"Whaddya say boys? Is Smitty chicken or what?"

"Noooooo," they yelled.

"Smitty can wrestle," said another.

"Show him Smitty."

"I'm waiting, Smitty." Mr. Bommer patted the floor with the palm of his hand.

"Let's go swimming, everyone!" Smitty shouted.

"I know why he doesn't wanna," Earl whispered to another boy.

The boys snickered among themselves, and then sat on the sofa, in preparation of a dramatic unfolding.

"Don't you wanna swim, guys?" Smitty asked no one in particular. He looked around the room for voter support.

There was unanimous silence.

After another nervous moment, the boys began to giggle. They knew Smitty was about to get the treatment.

I am attempting to sprinkle the story with background information on the character without boring the reader by stifling the action scenes.

Writing: How to Write Colorful Openings

We've heard much ado about opening chapters with action. It's among the most hackneyed expressions of writing advice. While action is important, it accounts for only one facet of the dynamic opening. Other fragments of a great opening are: mood, pace, tension and conflict. The makings of such an opening is well within the spirit of every serious writer. I hope to help you to explore what you already have. So, let's dust off that jewel within yourself, polish it and create memorable openings.

Here are the components to great openings: Fear, Dialog, Conflict and Scene.

Let's start by exploiting the most basic human emotion: fear. For the sake of memory, I use the following acronym to describe those fears, L. Podic. L-P-O-D-I-C, which stands for the fear of: Loss, Poverty, Old age, Death, Illness and most of all Criticism.

Exploit one or more fears in the context of conflict.

"Conflict!" is a superior dynamic toward the great opening. Conflict builds tension, sets the mood and allows the demonstration of character development. In other words, you won't have to tell the reader. You can show them through a given conflict. The reader will become lost in the story as each character responds to conflict. So, there's number one: conflict.

So, forget about action. Conflict stimulates action. Conflict speaks to the reader through language, choice of words, the attitude of the character and encourage the reader to desire a particular action.

How to create conflict? I knew you would ask. Here's how. Here are a few techinques. First, ask yourself, who do you know who cannot seem to answer a simple question without filling you in on all the unncecssary details? Who? Write that individual's name down.

What would he or she say if there were an accident? How would this person respond to a broken arm, or, a broken relationship? Is this person very dramatic? If so, start a scene with the idea that something has gone wrong and a character (not unlike the reader) is trying to discover the nature of the problem, but big mouth is telling all the details that led up to the problem, leaving us on the edge of our seats in anticipation of what actually happened. Make the reader want to shake the speaker until she spits it out.

This technique creates tension. I've created an example below, but first, let's explore additional techniques toward creating conflict and tension.

How? Ask yourself, what is your pet peeve? Write it down. Let's say you can't tolerate second hand cigarette smoke. Now, let's say you have legitimate reason to be in a room with a chain smoker. He is unreasonable and does not consider those around him. Let's say the last will and testament will be read in this room. You are rumored to be the principal heir to this fortune. The chain smoker, Uncle Buck is the executor of the will and primary witness to the intentions of the deceased.

So, Uncle Buck lights up.

Number 2, Dialoge.

Allow the dialoge to pull the reader smack into the story before they know it. To do so, successfully, think "scene." It does not matter whether you're writing a scene. It does matter that your mentality is that of a scene taking place.

Earlier, I alluded to a scene of a loquacious individual who cannot get to the point when asked a simple questions. I think of my niece who is the ultimate drama queen. She would not say, " The child stepped on a nail," when she can say, "An ambulance came. They took Johnny. We don't know that it were poisonous, but rumor has it that, in some cases, gaingrene sets in and they have to amputate. In some cases."

Here's an example of an opening filled with conflict and tension. See if you can determine which of the basic fears are involved in the conflict.

"They're laying off eighty six workers next month," he said.

His wife caught the coffee cup that fell from her hand and nearly onto the graphite counter top. A coffee maker whistled as steam rose beneath the hood of the oven.

His wife studied the blue gray smoke as if his words had gathered there: HE'S LOOSING HIS JOB.

Her back yet turned to him, she neatly folded her note -- the one she spent two days itemizing living expenses and past due bills on paper. She folded the paper into even smaller quarters and clenched it in her fist before hiding it within her bosom.

"...cutting back in every department and every category except the fat cats get to stay on. In fact, the top three executives received a big bonus," he said.

A mortgage. Two car notes. Insurance. Three kids and another on the way. One in college. Tuition. Books.

 "...and was going to try to get on at the BMW plant, but their first choice of candidates for the three jobs will be among the fifteen hundred people they laid off last year."

Three. Only three jobs. Credit card balances.

"Honey? The coffees ready," he said.

Her mind faded into a world of whistles, steam and bills.

Now, see if you can indentify the fears invloved in the above scene.

Below is antoher example.

The two of them sat at a booth. Jenny shuffled in her seat, fumbled with the handle of a coffee mug and bit her nails. Periodically, she looked up toward the door. She even noticed all movements and comings and goings in the nearby parking lot.

He sipped from his own cup and noticed the way she played with her eggs and bacon.

She answered her cell phone. "...umhmm. Here at the Waffle House. The one on Rockbridge Road. Uhmm. He's here. Okay. (laughter). Cool, girl. Bye."

"That was short. Who was that?" he asked.

"A girl friend," she said.

She shifted in her seat and began biting her nails, again.

"Are you sure there's nothing going on between you and Cindy?" She asked.

"Who said that? Who told you something like that?"

"Are you seeing her?"

"Cindy? Me--" he pointed to his chest --" and Cindy? "

She shoved her meal aside, toyed through her purse and then removed a small mirror and applied lipstick.

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"Who, Cindy?"

She rubbed her lips together and turned her head aside until her dangling ear ring shown in her compact mirror.

"What--two weeks ago?" he said.

"Not last night?"

He hesitated. "No."

"Not at  Barleys in the parking lot last night?"

"No."

"Why would someone lie about that?"

"I dunno. You can ask Emmet. Last night I was with him."

She looked up...toward the door. The lady marching through the door had business on her mind. She stood erect with a heavy purse strapped to her left shoulder. Her right hand stuffed inside the purse, she said something to the cashier who pointed toward the table where they sat.

The cashier rushed behind the kitchen door and beckoned the waiters to join her.

Writing: Access Your Resevoir of Experience

As the Bible states, It is better to give than to receive.

During those moments when we are feeling deep emotions, we may want to write our feelings down. Whether we are experiencing joy, pain, sadness or anger, there are descripitons hidden within emotions that adds color to our lives and to our stories. Our feelings are invaluable.

Treat your emotions like a gold mine and mine them. There is great value there. Dig and give away what you find. Others might appreciate it.

Having said that, I strongly suggest we access our own experiences more and share those experiences with others, not necessarily in a story, but in a letter. Write a letter about what you are feeling.

For example, pretend you are with a therapist (you're on the sofa). What do you have to say?

It may go something like this:

Dear Reader,

Today, I am missing a very close relationship. I was married for eighteen years and now that I am not, my life is quite different. I am, yet, adjusting.

I have dated a few people, but, in doing so, I've learned that I do not want a serious relationship, just friends. In moments like these (the present) however, I would like more.

I have to be careful here, because there is a difference in missing a person and missing the relationship. People, often falter by going back and forth, in and out of unhealthy relationships for that reason. Sometimes people do not want to be alone. It's like going back to a job you left. Look, Either you left for a reason or you did not. Here's where we have to trust ourselves.

Lonelines is okay. Pain is okay. Because we are feeling pain from loosing a loved one does not mean we should jump into another relationship with that same person or anyone else; after all, we are always alone. Always.

I've found that once I grew up and accepted the reality of loneliness as a temporary thing, and the state of being alone as eternal, I began to make better decisions.

People who can handle pain are people who tend to make better decisions in the long run, as it pertains to break ups. People who are overcome by pain tend to jump out of the frying pan and back into the pot.

All of the above entail my inner thoughts at the time of the writing.

Now, how do I turn this into interesting fiction. Well, if art imitates life, then I'm on to something here.

Here we go.

He snuffed out a half smoked cigar and stared at a full glass of wine that sat before him, untouched. He repositioned himself in the hammock and put the novel aside. He was on page 31 but could not remember what he had read.

He sat the book aside.

"It's okay," he whispered.

He opened the cell phone, stared at her name and number and closed the phone for the third time without dialing.

The phone rang.

"Hi mom. Fine. No, we're not back together. No. I miss.....the relationship, but I don't miss her. Okay. I'll come, but Mom? I may be alone."

He closed the cell phone and smiled. He really smiled. His eyes smiled. "Relationship," he mummbled.

Larry, placed the phone on the grass beneath his hammock, lit the cigar and took a long drag. Again, he smiled. He stared at the stogie. It tasted better. He licked his bottom lip. Larry then sipped from his glass of wine. He then held the glass in front of him as if it were his lover's face. He shook the glass, ever so slightly, just enough to give the wine legs that ran along the inside of the glass like diluted syrup. He sipped it again, chewed it and smiled.

"Now that's a glass of wine," he said.

Life is good when you know what you're feeling. Larry nodded, approvingly.

He finished the novel and dialed.

"Hi," he said. "This is Larry. We met at the library...last week? Yes. Thought I'd invite you over to my mother's for dinner tommorrow. Sure, then I'll take you home immediately, afterwards. Okay. Thanks. See you then."

Larry toasted to the open air, alone. He sipped and smiled.

Writing: Don't Give Up

Do Not Give Up!

You may be closer than you think to becoming a published author.

I briefed nine manuscripts this past week. The authors were rejected by one of my clients, a major publisher. Three of those manuscripts were great. So, why were they rejected? They were rejected because they were not quiet ready for publication, that's why.

As a freelance writer, I am pulling for the writers of the above mentioned three manuscripts. As a paid editor, my responsiblity to my client is to toss the manuscript and go to the next one, however, I cannot. There's trouble going on between my ears. The writer in me is a nagging moralist that makes me feel like I've betrayed all writers by supporting the rejection, but the publisher is paying my bills. So, what do I do?

I contact those writers and offer what a rejection letter does not. You guessed it: I offer advice.

Why am I writing this particular post? I want you to know that your manuscripts may be closer to publishing than you realize. In honor of my client publishers, I am not at liberty to mention names, just yet, however, many good books are turned down simply because editors do not have time to read them. If only I had more time. I would edit the good manuscripts for free. Yes, I would. I cannot help myself. I love this game.

How I love this game.

A wise person once said, "If your game in life is not worth playing, find another game."

I agree with the sage. Great manuscripts are worth saving. I'm asking other editors out there (no, I'm begging) to please, please take an otherwise rejected manuscript home this weekend and give the writer a few pointers. It will reward you. If the good manuscript is published, you'll have yourself a most loyal writer. Remember, loyalty works both ways.

Sure, you might say, but Barry are you doing what you're requesting of us?

Yes, I am. Well, to an extent, I am. I don't have time to read complete manuscripts that are already rejected, however, I will help correct what I call "bad chapters" to an otherwise good book. Some of you (editors) have good manuscripts with a couple bad chapters that turned you off, please, don't outright reject it. Contact me, I will help with it.

So, do I practice what I preach...or what?

For those aspiring novelist out there whose editors have directly pointed out bad chapters, yet you don't know what to do with them, send me an e-mail. Please be brief, as time is of the essence. Send me a summary of the problem. Summary. That's a two pager. If I agree to help you, I will request a chapter. We will work with it over a couple of days, at which time you may be ready to move to the next problem with your manuscript.

How's that for service?

Remember, I have time to review one chapter only....the bad chapter that is otherwise, inhibiting the publication of a good book. Most books have a hindering spirit....somewhere within the text, prior to publication.

Hang in there and someday soon the mail carrier will arrive with an exciting acceptance letter.

So, there it is. Don't give up. Define the chapter(s) that's hindering the progress of your book and do something about it.

So, what are you waiting for?

Writing to Mesmerize the Reader

(c)copyright 2010 Hamdani

We want to capture the reader's attention, right away, do we not?
Assuming we agree, let's explore means of arriving at that objective. Here are a few tips.

Use the epithet to handcuff the reader's imagination to a given passage. I suggest you write and read poetry to develop the technique and modify your style over a relative short period of time. Use unusual words and phrases to accompany your prose. These words should incur in place of the name of a person or thing, thus the epithet.

{Bare with me. I've included two examples, below. I won't leave you hanging}

Allow your writing to fluctuate from prosaic to insidious to the poetic and back, again, thus elliptic. This is a panacea to otherwise boring narrative. Here's how to do it.

*Give them deliberate obscurity.

*Emphasize the magic of the elliptic.

{continue reading. These techniques are included in the examples, below}

Why? Because adverbs are otherwise relative to the reader's interpretation, but obscurity evokes emotion. Emotion gives the passage crediblity relative to the reader's personal experience or judgement. In other words, obscurity allows the reader to identify with a character or event from the reader's past.

Everyone knows a Smitty and a Fenetriss (characters in my story as depicted below). The roles the characters represent are fiction, but the personalities are not.

*Write a poem about your protagonist/antagonist and watch the magic happen.

The master of this talent, in my opinion, is Emily Dickinson, poet extradionaire. Emily Dickerson could have patented her technique. It is an extreme economy of speech, second to none. The language she used is intrinsically special in that it is elliptically compressed. Her intellectual reticence stops you in your tracks, compelling you, the reader to "feel" her.

{I don't claim to be an Emily Dickerson, but you get the point}

She used metaphors to explain what prose (independently used) cannot. Make a point to read one of her poems each week and see what happens to your writing.

The technique requires a major leap from your present topic to another by the emission of words and then you must revert to poetry, and return to prose, again. To employ this technique, effectively, you want to use words and images that are undefined and allow the reader to attach the face or self-invoked image.

For example, you may resort to words that create images....words like: God, the devil, angels, demons, guardian angels, spirits, a presence and so forth.

Here's what I want you to accomplish: use an economy of words by exploiting silence, elliptically. For example, in one of my upcoming novels (a thriller), I explained the antagonist as such:

It was not Smitty's words that destroyed you. Havoc took place between a few deliberately spoken sentences. His dark eyes remained still beneath thick brows that were becoming of a demon with the appearance of a normal man, except little of Smitty's demeanor was normal. Looking at him gave one the perspective of a person viewing the body of a relative at a wake. One's soul became instantly fragmented by the possibility of being left alone with him. He was a dark place, a sinister element that should not have breathed.

And when he gave you that half-smile, that grimace becoming of nearly every known serial killer, you were immediately aware of your human frailties. He made you want to pray.

His smile offended God.

This technique is not limited to a particular genre. For example, I used it in a romance scene, below.

It was not her words that magnetized the man's heart, but the things Fenetriss didn't say. It was that space between the words spoken and the actual meaning conveyed that made her lover stutter; a place superior to wit and one step below Godliness. When Fenetriss spoke, and just before their lips met, a most sublime silence captured him, even before she closed her eyes. At that very moment, he realized that his propensity to become better or weaker was solely up to her.

He could only hope that her half-smile pleased God.